Complicated Hearts
by Elphaba Fiyerobert
Summary: Sequal to I Can't Let You Go, Adam survived the cancer so things should be going amazingly in his life. However Adam has screwed up completely and lost the two people he cares about the most in his life, Sarah and Tommy. Now completely alone in the world he struggles to find a way to hold on to life. Where as Sarah and Tommy are starting new and seperate lives away from him.
1. Chapter 1

Complicated Hearts

Chapter One

Authors Note, Ya just knew I couldn't leave Sarah and Adam with happily ever after yet, didn't you? Cackles evilly, let the games begin! Disappears in a puff of purple smoke.

They all stayed late in the hospital, all of that night and most of the following day while Adam went through every test under the sun everything came back clean, everything was fine. He was suddenly in picture perfect health and no one could explain it. It simply was a complete miracle sent from above care of an amazing glamily and the stunning woman he was going to marry.

Sarah stood at his side during the press conference where he tearily thanked all his fans for the love and broke the news about his sudden full recovery. He stated simply Amor Vincit Omnia, love conquers all and together this day they had proved that. He also stated that he would be withdrawing from the public eye for a couple of months to get his head right after everything. See what he wanted to do with his career. He promised that he wouldn't be gone for long, and he would come back even stronger afterwards. Talked about new tours, new events and music. He had been given a new lease on life, he certainly wasn't going to waste it.

Then there was a blur of autographs to sign, hands to shake, photos to be taken. It was a surreal daze of flash bulbs that quickly became too much for him. He had to grab Sarah's arm as dizziness hit and excuse himself to rest a while. He might be healed, but he was still very tired and weak. And he needed to get a good meal down him now he could finally keep it down properly.

He, Sarah and Tommy dined together laughing and joking working their way thought far too many bottles of wine during the lazy meal esp given her current condition. Somehow however tonight limitations just seemed wrong. They had been through so very much together now was a time to cut loose and enjoy this new life. And Sarah wasn't really enough of a drinker to do any harm to their baby.

After the meal came coffee and brandy or hot chocolate and baileys in Sarah's case. It wasn't enough, they were all left in the mood for some serious drinking so they took off. Ended up bouncing around some bars and club dancing and drinking the night away. Having a complete blast, letting loose in a way they rarely dared to in the public eye. Cameras were more then likely catching it all, but tonight they were gonna party until they took us away.

Sarah woke late the following evening to a pounding hangover, praying she hadn't done anything to embarrass herself. She was in Adam's spare room in one of his tee shirts. Groaning she stood and dressed, heading into the other room to find something she didn't expect. Adam and Tommy were curled up naked in bed together, torn clothing scattered across the room with torn condom packets making it clear what had happened here. Her gasp woke them both as they all awkwardly stared at each other for long moments. "You cheating bastard!" she shouted leaving the room.

"Oh god." Adam exclaimed realizing what had gone off, grabbing a robe to chase after her. "Sarah I'm so sorry, I was drunk I didn't know what I was doing. Baby please, don't go we need to talk about this."

She turned and slapped him, "I told you I wouldn't be your experiment. It's not even been two full days since you asked me to marry you and you have already screwed another MAN behind my back. You make me sick!"

Adam took the slap he knew he deserved it, "Baby I'm sorry I really mean that. You weren't an experiment, I've been in love with you since high school!"

"Bullshit, if you truly loved me no matter how drunk you were you wouldn't have whored around." She threw the ring at him, "Don't ever come near me or my baby again!" She stormed out the house slamming the door behind her.

Adam wanted to follow her so badly, but didn't dare he knew that it would only make things worse as he watched her running away crying from the window. How the hell was he gonna fix this now? She was carrying his child, he'd come back to the land of the living for her.

"I'm sorry man." Tommy said softly.

"Get the fuck out!" he snapped, hearing the front door close again moments later. He had lost everything hours after he had been on top of the world. Right now he wished that he was still dead. That he hadn't broken the heart of the person he couldn't live without. That he could just grab her, kiss her and make it all better again.

The next few days were really rough on him, he drank too much, left her a million voice messages that she never answered. Eventually Adam dragged himself around to her flat, only to find it was empty. Stripped of all furniture and belongings. Desperate for answers he turned to his manager for clues, turning up slaughtered at his office. Dennis took him inside quietly giving him a strong black coffee. "She doesn't want to see you again Adam." He said quietly, "She's sworn me to the secret of where she is and what she is doing. You cut that girl deeply, you won't find her until she's ready. If she's ever ready to face you again."

"I just need to see her, please. I need to fix this before it's too late." He insisted.

Dennis shook his head sadly, "It's already too late, that girl never gave up on you and you repayed her by screwing your guitarist. You simply don't deserve her or to be a father."

Tearfully Adam stared at him, "But I can't live without her."

"Then I suggest you learn to fast, that girl is not coming back anytime soon. I would be surprised if she ever did, she doesn't need you. Not anymore, you took everything she held dear and destroyed it, a life time of friendship. You know how damaged her heart is and you broke it, hell I'm bloody angry at you for what you have done. I don't even want to be your manager anymore. You are a sick puppy who thinks about nothing but himself." Dennis snapped.

"I don't, I think of her all the time." He sniffed.

Dennis glowered, "Then you should have proved it."

Sniffing Adam abandoned the coffee and left trying to find someone who knew her and could tell him something about her. He trawled all over town trying to find a sign, but somehow in his gut he knew she was far far away from here. She'd run and it was all his fault. There was no way of really telling where she could be, although at a guess he would say central park as she had always loved the place.

When he returned home he found a letter on the matt. Tearing it open hoping for good news he was met with Tommy's resignation. Sinking to the floor head in his hands crying, his life was over.


	2. Chapter 2

Complicated Hearts

Chapter Two

There was only one place Sarah could go after the fight, straight to Dennis Adam's manager and their life long friend. She knew that he could set her up in a new life away from Adam. That he would keep her secrets and he certainly did everything she needed of him. Within two days an apartment was located over central park for her, three bedrooms so there was room for the baby as well. Decorated to the highest degree just how she wanted it, perfect location for what she wanted to do with herself.

Sarah took her personal belongings, changed her fb, twitter, phone, email, everything, even her name. A new fresh start away from everyone she knew. A brand new short bob hair cut instead of her usual long tresses, dyed black instead of her usual flame red. Brand new designer wardrobe of clothes nothing like her usual style, everything of the old her had to die. Looking in the mirror she didn't even feel like herself anymore. Who would want to be that little girl who had allowed her heart to be ripped out by the one man she had always trusted to never hurt her? She'd sworn that no one would ever hurt her as badly as her ex had, and yet she'd fallen for a man's charms again!

She locked herself up in the apartment crying for weeks on end, swinging between wanting to find Adam and kill him or killing the life growing inside of her that did nothing but remind her of him. Weeks turned into months, she barely left the house other then her doctors appointments. Didn't speak to a soul, just locked herself away writing feverishly all day every day and often most of the night as well. Yes she had money to live off, Adam had seen to that when he had first gotten sick. Also Dennis would easy provide her with anything she needed if she only asked.

This was about herself though and no one else, trying to find herself again. She'd always wanted two things before that ex had ruined her life, to write and to be a singer on stage. She'd given both up along the way, not anymore. Now her life was going to be about her and nothing or no one else. All those breaks she had given up working her ass off so Adam could make his fortune. All those times she had looked the other way when a deal was edged across the table so that he could be what he needed. Hell no, it was time to werk it in the way she knew best.

Sarah had plenty of contacts in the business, a little black book full of interesting facts and figures she had collected from all the time spent hanging around with Adam. He always just used to get drunk at parties where as she worked the room to get what he needed for his career. She'd never asked him for anything, she wouldn't normally use his name or status for her own gain. She felt it cold, and selfish, unfeeling to use their friendship in such a fashion. However he had now hurt her more deeply then anyone had in her entire life, so now the gloves were off and she would do whatever it took to make it in this world she loved so much.

Even hurt the man that she had once loved more then life itself.

Now all she wanted to do was make him suffer more then anything else, make him feel the deepest darkest pain she could image.

Those Months spent locked away in the house bore the fruits of an albums worth of songs being written, along with the first five books in her vampire chronicles series. Three of which she had already gained a working draft of years before and never had the guts to finish them. Now she had five beautiful shiny manuscripts in front of her to market. For now she knew there was no point marketing her vocals until after she gave birth to that filthy child so for now the author side of herself was the logical route. So she marketed herself beautifully with Dennis's help, finding herself a great publisher who offered her a crazy deal for the rights to her book series along with a chance at film rights as well. Book signings slotted in for the end of the year. New York comic con would be her opening gig.

It was a surreal time for her, nothing felt real anymore. She'd waited so long to get here now she was edging towards her long desired own fame and fortune all she could traighterously think of was one thing. She wanted Adam there with her, but she squashed that idea back down again just as fast. She couldn't allow herself to feel weakness or think about him.

As soon as the baby was born, she hired a nanny to take care of it 24/7. Apart from naming her little girl Beth, she refused to have anything more to do with it. The child making her think of dark thoughts she needed to bury. She was fighting her nature however and that guilted her having always wanted a child. Sometimes she would sneak into the nursery while she was asleep to watch the girl sleeping. Sit there for hours torn between wanting to hold her child for the first time or running again. Every single time she lurked back to her own room fighting back the tears.

Her life was changing rapidly, she didn't have time for anything or anyone else or so she kept telling herself. Sarah couldn't stop herself feeling that lonely ache deep inside, so alone in the world. No friends, only a few work related contacts. The nanny and her never spoke unless she was leaving instructions. In the end out of sheer boredom and need for human companionship she drunk dialed the only number she could think of other then Dennis, her old friend glitters.

A grouchy sleepy, "What?" greeted her.

"It's me," she said quietly, "If it's a bad time I can call back, or not whatever."

"Sarah, omg girl how are you? How is the baby? I thought I'd never hear from you again." He enfused, "I am so god damn sorry for what happened."

Sarah sighed, "I'm okay, the baby's fine I guess with her nanny. I don't blame you for what he did, I kinda expected it from the whore."

"You know I haven't seen him since that day, and I quit the band right?" he asked quietly.

"But I thought you and he?" she stumbled.

"I couldn't do that to you, it should never have happened in the first place." he sighed, "Why a live in nanny?"

"I can't look at her without seeing that arsehole." She confessed.

Tommy sighed, "Where are you baby? May I come and give you a huge hug? I really do miss you so very much."

Sarah sniffed, "I live near central park." Touched that even after all this time, there was still a friendship between them, a bond even that dark ass bastard couldn't break.

Tommy laughed dryly, "Oh that's just perfect."

That confused her, "What do you mean?"

"I'm working just around the corner, meet you at the coffee shop at oak in 15?" he asked.

The smile in her voice was clear as she agreed, grabbing her coat to bounce down the steps and find him again. Her heart feeling lighter then it had in some time.


	3. Chapter 3

Complicated Hearts

Chapter Three

That morning was the worst of Thomas's life, waking feeling like he was going to puke. He'd clearly mixed his drinks just a tiny bit too much last night. He rubbed his eyes trying to get his head together, groaning as the fight raged around him. Oh gods they had slept together, he didn't even remember it! How could he have done that and not remember it?!

When he walked away that day he knew that he had to walk away completely. He couldn't stay in the band after everything that had happened, it would be way too awkward for all involved. He wanted Adam and Sarah to have every chance to make things right between them. He knew what he had done was so wrong, on so many levels. Even so he kinda didn't regret that it had happened and he had finally allowed himself to fall for Adam. To finally admit to himself how much he loved that beautiful rock god. He had wanted to taste those sweet lips for far too long. He'd give his heart and soul to Adam if he asked for it. Deep inside he wanted to drag him away and make Adam his forever, but he couldn't break Sarah's heart after all their years of friendship, he would rather destroy himself.

So Tommy walked away from the only place in life he had ever felt like he belonged. His family had given up on him at a very young age when he wouldn't believe in God. He was disowned, and set out to make his fortune with his guitar and little else to his name. Bummed around various bands and jobs, never once fitting in or finding a place where he felt comfortable. He lived like he was on the run, very few belongings. Just enough to survive with, but few enough he could throw them in the back of his battered old car and move on when the emptiness got too bad. Then new town, new life, another new start. Anything to try and stave off the darkness he always felt chilling him to his bones.

When he saw Idol and heard about the auditions, Tommy saw a chance, a spark inside that fresh faced new talent that gave him some hope for the future. So he auditioned on his own birthday, fair enough he hadn't been able to get the role he wanted so badly. Then again he would have cleaned floors if it had meant being with that group of people. That band had become the family had had never had, finally he had something other then a bottle of whisky to keep him going.

Now he was back adrift with no anchor in life to keep him from drinking himself into an early grave. Weeks he spent in a drunken stupor, everytime he woke drinking himself back into passing out again. The wound in his soul seemed never ending, he didn't know what to do anymore.

One day Tommy got up finding himself passed out in his own puke and realized that he had to try and find a way to live again. Dragging himself back to semi soberity, pulling out a file of job offers he'd been given but ignored due to staying faithful to Adam. So now he piled into that long abandioned work. Co-abs with various bands and solo artists, working himself to the bone keeping busy all the time. Falling into bed for a few hours, a quick meal and back to work again. He was exhausted constantly, but at least he had no time for stupid shit anymore. Didn't even have time for the few friends he had left to him.

So to get the Sarah phonecall when he was sleeping over at a friends house in New York, after a long gig was a total shock in the best of ways. He missed his best friend, missed the trouble they used to get up to together picking on Adam. Heading for a speed shower he changed into a mostly clean Metalica shirt over his jeans, running a little gel through his hair, trying to cover the bags under his eyes with a lot of make up. Far more then his pride would usually allow him to use after years of taking the piss out of Adam's eight pounds of make up every day. Slipping the small packets of white powder into his jacket pocket before anyone saw them. He didn't want to worry anymore with his coping efforts. He didn't take coke often, just when the ache in his heart got too bad. However lately that was seeming to be more and more often.

Thomas stumbled into the coffee shop fetching their usual order, waiting for her. He needn't have been worried about his struggle to endure when he saw that girl stagger through the door. Yes stagger, barely four in the afternoon and she was clearly well on her way to being toasted. Hair cut in a bob that didn't suit her at all, clothes completely out of her style, smudged make up. He drew her into a tight embrace, "Missed you sweetie."

They held hands for a long while, sat there sipping their coffee in silence assessing each others problems. Sarah looked like she was going to start crying, Tommy was feeling the itch for the stash he was carrying. So much had passed between them it was impossible to know what to say anymore. Too much water under the bridge, too many heart aches.

Tommy sighed, "Wanna go get a real drink?"

Sarah nodded, "Yeah lets get outta here."

A few stiff drinks later the conversation grew somewhat freer, swopping stories of their new lives and careers.

"I can't believe you finally got to write your own blues album, that's been you dream forever!" Sarah commented.

"I can't believe that you are getting published, that's amazing. I want to come to your book signing." Tommy smiled warmly stroking her arm.

She shivered at the touch, it had been so long since anyone had touched her in that way. "Tommy, I am really drunk." She murmered.

"So am I." he whispered back, drawing her into a passionate kiss. He just wanted to feel something again.

Sarah sighed into the kiss, "Baby, you kiss me like that again and I can't be responcable for what happens."

He pulled back and nodded his understanding, "Do you hurt as badly as I do? Do you feel as empty and lost every moment of every single day just trying to find a way to hold on?"

She nodded tearfully, "I can't even look at that baby, I've never even touched her."

Thomas's heart froze, he knew how much having a child had meant to her for so long. They had thought she couldn't have children, so the pregnancy had been a pure miracle. One of several those long stressful months. "Sweet baby," he murmered, giving her the only comfort he could. Another long passionate tender kiss, pushing her back against the booth they were hiding away in.

Sarah grabbed him pulling him closer into the embrace, draining the affection from the motion like she was feeding off of it. They broke apart after far too long, "Come on lets get out of her." He said pulling her away.


	4. Chapter 4

Complicated Hearts

Chapter Four

Months passed as did Sarah's due date and Adam heard nothing at all from her. He thought about her every single moment of every single day. He had no way of finding her or his child. Dennis hadn't relented, he hadn't found a single person who had any idea of where she might be. He'd tried a few of her usual haunts without success. He was officially over his career break now, gigs kept being offered for a revamp. Adam refused every single one, claiming he was working on tracks for a new album. Locking himself away in his home, 'writing'.

Read that as scribbling a few lines of nonsense, getting wasted on whisky and pot staring out of the window thinking of what he had loved and lost. Adam barely ate anything, weight dropped off of him. He never went out anymore, there wasn't anything out there that he wanted. Barely even bothered to dress or wash, just slobbed around in his old baggy cardigan from the BTIKM shoot over his boxers.

Whenever he awoke hung over, aching, feeling like complete crap then he would just light another joint or gulp another bottle of whisky down to slide back into that blissful unreality where he didn't have to feel anything anymore. He was on pure escapism, trying to run and hide from his heart. Pretend that he didn't care about anything anymore esp himself. Adam barely even knew what day it was, everything just blurring into one stoner prison. The phone rang often, but he had stopped caring enough to bother answering it there was never the news he needed to hear.

This particular day however, whatever day it might or might not be, the phone just wouldn't silence its annoying squeal shattering the calm in his head. Moaning Adam pulled himself up from the pile of empty bottles and junk food wrappers on the sofa, lanking the phone out of the wall smashing it. Staring briefly around at what had once been an OCD level clean apartment now ruined. Flopping back down on the rubble crying softly, he couldn't take it, he didn't know what to do anymore. But to kill himself would destroy the precious gift so many had given him long months before.

Then the banging on the door started insistently, then on the windows as well. Back to the front door, moving between the two there was no chance of escaping the dreadful pounding. Adam groaned, why couldn't they just let him sleep? He was so damn exhausted, he felt like he could close his eyes and sleep forever. His eyes drooping closed again just as the banging grew in volume. Groaning more he dragged his aching bones up to answer the door. "Whataya want?" he growled fuzzily not clearly focusing on who was there outside.

Tommy was taken aback at this unshaven, smelly, half starved, barely dressed stranger in front of him. That apartment behind him looked like a bomb had gone off inside of it. Whoever this miserable creature was, it wasn't the man he had known. "Can I come in?" he asked quietly.

"Not a good time." Adam grunted trying to shut the door.

The blonde stopped him, "Do you want to see a picture of your daughter?"

Adam stopped mid motion and nodded letting him inside locking the door behind them. "Sorry bout the mess." He mumbled, shoving a pile of rubbish onto the floor so they could sit on the sofa.

Thomas passed over a small black photograph album, "Sarah collected these for you."

Adam poured over the book taking in the images of the red haired little baby covered in freckles. Looking at her playing with her toys or in the arms of a nanny, or even held by Tommy. "Why are there no pictures of the baby with Sarah?" he asked quietly, "Does she hate me so much I can't even see that little of her?"

Tommy sighed, "You messed her up bad man, she has barely looked at that baby since she was born."

Adam tried to ignore the tears on his face, "I missed us all up badly." He cleared a space on the coffee table, wiping it clean to set the album there proudly. "What's her name?" he asked as an after thought, the idea of being a father not sinking in yet.

"She called her Bethany Lambert, or Beth for short." He answered.

"Beth?" Adam asked, "She knew I always wanted my little girl called Beth after the song and she let her take my name after everything?" he broke down completely then.

Tommy linked his arms around him loosely trying to comfort the smelly sobbing man. Rubbing his back as the grief hit deep finally. Letting him ride out the sorrow he had been drowning away from all this time. "Come on baby, you need some sleep." He insisted when the flood abated, half carrying Adam upstairs to put him to bed. Laying there with him in the mostly tidy room until the other fell back into a deep slumber.

When Adam finally awoke, he found a package laying on his pillow. He unwrapped it slowly to reveal a hard back book, a poster and a note. "Thought you should know she made it. T." the note read. It was Sarah's book? He turned it over and sure enough her picture was on the jacket. His baby girl had done what she had always dreamed of. Checking the poster he saw she had a book signing in just two days and he was going to be there.


	5. Chapter 5

Complicated Hearts

Chapter Five

Authors note, didn't I warn you that this flick is subtitled lets break Adam? Oooops, my bad. And I am NOT promising a happy ending this time either, you are gonna have to wait and see along with me who hasn't been told yet by A,T or S how they want their story to end :p

Sarah for once was the one waking up with a banging head, unsure where she was or what had happened. She felt like hell, blinking trying to work through the fractured images from last night. Staring around she realized she was in a hotel room, that made sense she wouldn't have wanted to risk disturbing the child coming in so late in that kinda state. She flopped back down on the pillow weakly too tired to even think about getting up yet. Only to find a strong arm swing around her, holding her tightly. Soft kisses on her neck, Thomas laying naked next to her.

"Hey." She murmured kissing him.

He smiled, "Morning." Drawing her in for a few more of those soft kisses.

"Did we?" she asked confused.

Tommy nodded, "Are you okay with that?"

Sarah cuddled closer, "We are just casual right?"

Thomas thought about it for a while before answering, "I think we both need something to take away our sorrow. Wouldn't you rather sleep with someone you know and can trust then a stranger?"

"Adam can't ever know." She insisted.

And that was that, they agreed on seeing each other now and then for friendly chats and other requirements. Slowly they both began to heal just a little bit. Sarah drank a little less and Tommy took a lot less of the stronger stuff. Her child was still a sore subject, Tommy used to come around and play with Beth when Sarah was working. Beth was a bright and cheerful baby, a total sweetheart if only her mom could see that. Tommy knew if she would just hold her for a moment then everything would be okay again. She would start to heal and be who she was meant to be, not this stranger. It was just working out the best way to change her back again. Even if it meant using both of his best friends forever.

One evening Thomas got back to the apartment to find Sarah asleep on the sofa next to a scattered box of photographs. On her lap a black photograph album with Adam's name on the front. He picked it up carefully so as not to disturb her slumber, flicking through to see the gift she had made. Tears in his eyes at the clear love she still harbored for her ex fiancé. He knew what he had to do now, get that album to Lambert right now. So he booked a plane and headed back home, to find Adam in an even worse state then they were.

After he bailed the broken man into bed he started with a pile of trash bags and started to clean the apartment. Perhaps if it didn't smell like a brewery mixed with a weed house the guy might feel a bit better when he woke. Hours passed as he cleaned, tided, threw away old broken furniture and made the apartment look slightly livable again. Throwing Adam's dirty clothing on the longest wash cycle he could find on the machine. Man did they stink, then again so did Adam! The whole house smelled like something had crawled away and died. In the end he had to open all the windows in an attempt to air the house out.

When he was finally finished, he checked on Adam one last time to make sure the fool hadn't thrown up or something daft. He looked so peaceful finally that Tommy was tempted to crawl into bed and hold him, but that would do no one any good. So he left Sarah's gift on the pillow, kissed the guy's greasy hair and left to find himself a motel to get some sleep before the long travel back to New York for the book signing. He knew he was fiddling in their lives, right now though he could see no other way. The two of them had to get back together. They were just like Romeo and Juliet, love struck idealists that couldn't breathe without the other. Although hopefully without the untimely deaths! Perhaps this book signing could be the opening they needed to get back together permanently. Tommy could only hope for a fairytale ending for once.


	6. Chapter 6

Complicated Hearts

Chapter Six

Today was the greatest and yet most terrifying day of Sarah's life. New York Comic Con, time for her first book signing. Free entry all weekend, now that was something she was going to abuse later on. They were preshowing Avengers Two and certainly that was worth a look. She knew they were also showing both Thor's, both Captain America's and the first Avenger's movie and she planned to see all of them before she was done. She also planned to abuse her priority access to cozy up to Tom Hiddleston for a photo shoot and autograph as soon as humanly possible.

Her slot to sign for the guests was early on the first day, a bonus as it gave her the chance to explore her first convenson. She'd been dying to attend for years, so to be paid to do it and still get to have fun was epic! Of course also living close enough to walk home each night also had its advantages, so she didn't have to suffer the over crowded cramped hotels full of fans.

Sarah dressed in a smart rich red velvet short dress, black tights, high heels, smart girly looking jewellery, and even a little smart make up. She looked fantastic and she knew it. This was her day to shine, she was going to make the most of every single moment of it. Her change had finally come, it had been far too long coming. Tommy came and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck gently. She leaned back into his arms, "Hey."

"Nervous?" he asked working his way down her neck.

"Terrified." She admitted, she hadn't eaten couldn't even keep water down hardly.

Arm in arm they walked to the signing booth taking a peek at the line waiting to be seen. It stretched nearly a mile long, two or three deep in places. "They aren't here for me surely?" she asked quietly.

"Welcome to fame and glory, this is nothing compared to what will happen. Your book has been out a few months and already a best seller. Think what your fan base will be like in six months, and six more after that?" he answered.

They hugged and she settled down at her table, books piled all around her, a stack of pens, closely followed by a stack of sweets and cans of energy drinks. Caffeine and sugar always helped her focus in difficult circumstances. The doors opened, the masses descended on her small table. She spent hours in a daze of talking to the fans, taking photographs, signing books, dropping spoilers, answering questions, shaking hands. Her nerves dropped away quickly as she focused on the task at hand, far to busy to stop and think about what was going on around her.

She took to it easily, her years working customer facing roles working to her advantage. She felt so alive, touched that so many people were so in love with her work. To hear the praise from their lips, the reviews flowing over her. This is what she had always wanted, craved so badly. Sarah wanted so deeply now to line up all the people who had told her she would never make it, that she was stupid for being dyslexic and show them how far she had come! Starting with her parents who had never supported her dreams. She felt loved, adored, needed in a way that she had never experienced before. If this was what it meant to be a star then she was hooked.

The high continued on through most of the hours of working, although by the time she got towards the back of the queue the tiredness was starting to kick in like a bitch. It started to get more hi, name, sign, smile, pass book and polite goodbye. So much so she didn't even notice who the very last person in the queue was, who had been waiting fidgeting impatiently for hours for a single word from his true love. "Name?" she asked trying to still sound perky and awake without even glancing up.

"Adam." He murmured.

She had already signed the book and was handing it back before the sound of that voice sunk in. She stared up at him to see her Adam stood there, but the man he was no longer matched the man she knew. He was painfully thin, unshaven, hair greasy, make up swiftly applied and running slightly. Rumbled nearly clean jeans, a t shirt that had once been form fitting but now just hung off his skeletal frame and that blasted cardigan over the top that she hated so much.

They stood there in silence for long moments before Adam broke it, he tucked the book into his pocket and gave her a weak smile. "I miss you."

Sarah stood looking at him not sure what to say, almost wanting to reach out and touch him. Wanting to wrap him in her arms and hug away his pain. Mother him, protect him from the cold hard world outside, but that time was long passed. Too much had happened for them to be together again, too much had been lost. "I didn't." she snapped picking up her things to leave.

"Please Sarah, my love. Can we at least go for a coffee and talk about all of this?" he asked reaching out for her arm.

She glowered at the slight touch on her arm and wrenched herself away. "Leave me alone, didn't you do enough harm fucking me, getting me pregnant then remembering you were gay and walking off with the first piece of tail that looked your way?"

"Sarah, please hunny it's not like that, I can't live without you." He insisted.

"Then die without me because I am so over you. I have the life now that I always deserved now I'm not babysitting your glam queer ass anymore. You aren't gonna pull me down anymore, I'm flying high defying gravity and soon, very soon I will match you in renown. Then I'm gonna leave your rotting corpse of a career in the dust at my feet!"

She nodded to security who bailed him out in tears watching her leave him once again. He'd lost her forever, he'd screwed up and now she was gone. There was nothing he could do.


	7. Chapter 7

Complicated Hearts

Chapter 7

Sarah couldn't believe the nerve of Adam just turning back up in her life again like nothing had ever happened. Begging to speak to her, she felt sick couldn't breathe. She sat through the Marvel Movie Marathon hardly able to even concentrate on the words and certainly not Tom Hiddleston's fine ass in all that leather. Her mind kept wandering back to Adam, the past, the love they had always shared, that sweet amazing man she had met at college. The man she had lost her heart to the first time they had spoken. She was wavering big time, half of her just wanted to fall back into his arms and forget the heart break between them. The other half just wanted to stab and torture the little shit for destroying her.

Tommy sat beside her, he kept squeezing her hand to try and comfort her. She never responded, never looked up. He knew how hard this was for her, hoping she didn't realize how hard it was for him as well. That he could keep hidden his forbidden love. That the fling they had once had, he wanted so much more from. Sometimes his mind skittered off into the land of crazy wondering if they could all three make a relationship work together.

How could he expect either of the others to agree to it? He was sick, twisted, disgusting, they deserved better then that, better then him. Tommy was hardly surprised when Sarah took to her feet and left the cinema silently as the credits rolled. He sighed wondering how the hell he was ever gonna fix things between them. He longed for a little Poison Ivy style lust dust to help things along, shame such things only existed in the realm of the movies. By the time he found his way out of the room she was long gone, probably to some signing or another. Sighing he lost himself in the crowd heading towards the merchandise rooms to think.

Sarah moved in a trance from the cinema seemingly having forgotten that she hadn't been alone there. Queuing for her express photo ops in the main halls, starting with the Avengers cast. Flirting, smiling, chatting, pretending everything was completely perfect. Finding herself more then a little distracted when it came to the Chris Evan's picture. He swooped her up all bridal style for a photograph she could never forget, planting a soft kiss on her cheek.

By the time she got to her Tom picture she was blushing like crazy, finding herself struck dumb at the sight of her biggest idol. The others had been difficult enough for the quiet shy girl she really was, this was just holy fuck he is sexy! Clearly the actor was used to the response. Drawing her into light conversation as several poses were struck for the pictures. She found herself loosening up around him, enjoying the little games. Final pose he drew her in so that they were a fraction away from kissing, however the shot angle looked like they were deeply entangled. She adored the image, would frame it over her bed once it was signed the next day.

Next Sarah moved to the Supernatural fan base room, for the next lot of pictures. Sam and Dean double shot, the best of both worlds with one each side of her. One with Garth, he was such a funny sweet guy. She had met him a few small conventions ago. It was sweet that he remembered her by name, hugging her when she came over. Chatting all friendlily to catch up, asking about her book. She felt so amazing and special when he asked her to sign his copy.

Mark Sheppard was her last photo of the day, the rest were due later in the convention, a guy who she knew well and respected greatly. His role as Crowley was legendary for his dry sarcastic humour. He stole the show every time he starred in it, the bad guy who was more beloved then the hero!

"And here she is, the woman who would be famous." He said coldly when he saw her.

"Get lost!" she laughed as he hugged her.

"Long time no see Sarah, you haven't been answering my emails." He mock pouted as the photos were taken.

She shrugged, "I've been busy."

"Avoiding reality more likely since the break up. How's your little girl?" he asked as the photo shoot drew to a close.

Sarah pulled out her phone and passed it over to show off the pictures she had of Tommy holding little Beth. The ones she didn't usually admit to having hidden in a secret file on her phone.

"She is beautiful, looks just like her mother." He commented, "Is he your boyfriend?"

She shook her head, "No, I've sworn off men now. Can't stand the sight of them anymore."

He winked, "So you have a girlfriend?"

She laughed, "No I don't, just not interested right now. Want to get my life back together first, before anything else happens. Too busy these next few months to have relationships."

"Sounds very lonely, that's not good for you just starting out. You will need support to cope with the new pressures of the lifestyle or you will crumble." He warned, "Will you be at the after party tonight so we can catch up?"

Sarah nodded, "Always up for a few drinks with old friends."

"And Lucifer will be dragging your ass up on the dance floor." A youngish blonde man called softly from the doorway.

She squealed hugging him, "Both my sexy Mark's here, what more could I possibly want in the world?"

Blonde Mark kissed her, "To get wasted and sing to us all?"

"Oh you wish, I am so not singing." She swore.

Famous last words of course, a few hours later and a number of very strong cocktails and the guests were up singing with the stars. Sarah was dancing with anyone she could find, just trying to escape her own pain for a few moments. She had a few people realize who she was, but not many. She did enjoy the praises from her fans, seemed crazy to her that people wanted to talk about her work and did so with such love. She felt a warm glow inside of her from the beautiful reviews which had nothing to do with the fact she had been drinking. Humming along to the music playing in the background.

The next thing she knew Mark P was stood on a table with a microphone, "And let's start the karaoke. Sarah would you join me please?" he shouted.

She must have been really drunk because she never even questioned it, at that moment it's seemed like a perfectly great idea. Sarah let him drag her onto the table with him for a duet. She was dressed like one hell of a rocker, thigh high kinky boots, corset, short leather skirt and long line fishnet gloves. Belting the number at his side for all she was worth.

_I'm gonna climb on top your ivory tower  
I'll hold your hand and then we'll jump right out  
We'll be falling, falling but that's OK  
'Cause I'll be right here  
I just wanna know_

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?  
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?  
Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl (take it off now, boy, take it off now, boy)  
'Cause I wanna see inside  
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight, oh, oh, oh, tonight?  
See beneath your beautiful, oh, tonight.  
We ain't perfect, we ain't perfect, no.  
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight? 

Shocking and surprising the audience who were clapping along with them cheering. Two people were a lot less happy about the performance. Tommy found himself growing more and more jealous of the man touching 'his' woman. He knew there was nothing officially between them other then pure sex, they had always agreed to an open relationship. Yet the stabs of the green eyed monster inside of him raged as those hands caressed her hips. She looked happy with that man in ways she had never been with him, it was pretty clear how they would end the evening. He wasn't famous enough to catch her eye anymore. Tears in his eyes, Tommy left to get drunk alone in his hotel room.

Adam was also at the party watching closely, crying freely watching how purely amazing she had become. The duet was perfect, the love in their eyes looked so real. A little later on she slammed back onto the stage belting out a Bonnie Tyler double bill as well. She really was on fire, owning that small stage. And those vocals, those high notes! He hadn't realized just how high her belt went. He had never heard her sing with no inhibitions before.

The shy sweet girl he had fallen in love with was gone, now a rock goddess stood in her high heels. Adam was in awe of her performance as she was forced to do an encore of a rather lustily wiggled 'You Give Loving a Bad Name' which just took his breath away. She really was the most amazing person in the whole world. She'd found her talent, her place in the world without him.

Sarah had always been the strong one out of them, today she had proved that. He overheard comments about her first album coming out soon, he knew she had played on his name to gain that success. That cut him deeply, if she had just asked he would have helped her any way that he could. He felt betrayed in more ways then one as he saw her moving towards the door with the devils tongue down her throat. She was trying to get over him that much was clear. He just selfishly didn't want her to, he wanted to keep her all to himself.

**Authors Note: before anyone comments that the fans and the stars wouldn't be in such an informal setting together, oh yes they would. I went to Asylum Eight in Birmingham UK last year and they were cause I flirted with Lucifer half the night :P**


End file.
